it is impossible to find a cute plus-sized swimsuit with boob support for less than like 80 dollars. unless someone knows something i don’t?
Me? Go on a date with Emma Stone? Let’s be honest: there’s no FREAKING way that would ever happen! “Why?” Uhhhh, let’s see…
1. She’s the STAR of The Amazing Spider-Man! Come on! That’s a totally different job than I have. We’d have practically NOTHING to talk about.
2. Not to mention, she’s a HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR. Hollywood? That’s on the other side of the FLIPPING country. I don’t think a long-distance relationship would work.
3. She’s romantically involved with Andrew Garfield, and if I beat him up it’d probably be “a thing.” You guys know what I’m talking about.
4. She’s one of Esquire magazine’s “Sexiest Women Alive.” And who am I? Some chump who JUST ran out of cologne. Did somebody say “bad timing?!”
5. She is objectively, vastly more attractive, wealthy and successful than my friends and it’d totally make things awkward at our wedding.
Hey, just a heads up:
This isn’t flattering. This isn’t clever. I don’t get excited to see some faceless icon saying they want to have sex with me.
And it doesn’t upset me. I’m not sitting here weeping. But I get the feeling that people say things like this because they think it’s the grown-up equivalent of leaving a valentine in someone’s cubby when they’re not looking.
Honestly, it’s kind of just disappointing. Disappointing because I’m willing to bet that most of the people who leave things like this aren’t bad people. They’re not even the same people who would cat-call you on the street. But it’s a bummer to think that anonymity might be the only thing keeping them from that.
I don’t know, do what you like. Just know that if you think you’re being cute or coy or flirty when you do things this, you’re not.
And maybe you’re better than that.